Q&A Amelia's Burnout Reading List
The books that helped her heal – including the one she doesn't usually talk about.
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If you've read Burnout, you know that the origin of the book is when Amelia stressed herself into the hospital and Emily helped by giving Amelia books to help with her healing. This is the story of those books.
Today's post is written by Amelia Nagoski.
Q: Hi! I’ve just started Burnout (loving it!) but am so interested to know the name of the book Emily gave Amelia to read when she was in the hospital—the one mentioned in chapter one on stress and inflammation? I have been working through a variety of body issues I have come to believe started out of a poor stress response, and would love to read more!!
There was a book that cracked me open like a steamed lobster.
It punctured a veil of denial and opened my understanding of reality.
It’s a book that I still reference when I confront my own stress induced physical symptoms.
But I don’t tell people what it was.
We tell the story in Burnout that, after I was hospitalized for stress induced illness (the first time), I started reading about the science of emotions and health. And as I was reading one particular book, I was sobbing on my kitchen floor when I called Emily to ask if emotions are really held in the body.
We’ve been asked a few times what that book was. This is a good question that I hesitate to answer because the actual book isn’t one Emily gave me, and I don’t actually recommend that book. It’s outdated, and the science is… shall we say, overconfident.
But I’ll tell you about it, because coming across a book that touches you is important, even if that book isn’t an excellent example of evidence-based nonfiction.
It all began when I started taking private qigong lessons (because I couldn’t find a class that fit into my burnout-inducing schedule), and my qigong teacher gave me two books. The first is one I highly recommend: Embrace Tiger, Return to Mountain: The Essence of Tai Chi by Chungliang Al Huang, which is niche but amazing.
The second book was The Mindbody Prescription by John E. Sarno, MD, and that’s the book I don’t talk about.
It suggests a physiological process for how repressed rage turns into chronic pain. And it suggests solutions for curing the pain by treating the rage instead of just saying, “you need less stress.”
Sarno’s premise is that physical pain is a distraction your body creates to protect you from acknowledging repressed rage. Which. I mean. Is a premise. It’s as true as any other metaphorical way of thinking about psychology. Did it belong in a book by an MD, purporting to describe physiology of what is now known as neuropathic pain? Maybe not? This is why I don’t recommend the book. But!!! But.
But.
I picked up an actionable technique from The Mindbody Prescription, and it worked for me. This sketchy premise resulted in real relief from pain I had been experiencing for twenty years. So I’ll tell you what the technique is, even though it’s not even well supported by the book it came from.
There are two steps.
First, repudiate the structural diagnosis. This means accepting that my knee pain wasn’t because my knees were broken or inherently flawed. It means stopping treating the knees with braces and ibuprofen. It means going for a run and chanting to myself “I repudiate the structural diagnosis” every eight steps. It means letting my knees hurt while telling my knees that I know they’re fine.
Second, turn toward the emotions that show up. That means telling my knees I’m ready to feel the emotions that are hiding behind the pain. It means actually being ready to feel the emotions. It means being prepared to tell the pain and the emotions that they don’t need to hide from you, that you are a grown adult who can carry the burden of past hurts.
It sounds bananas. It sounds like woo woo nonsense.
But I don’t have knee pain anymore. Or jaw pain. Or neck pain. Or lower back pain. Or multiple infections every year. This isn’t just because of the one book, but reading that book opened a door that lead me to a whole category of other resources like the ones at the end of this article.
It’s commonly reported now that cognitive behavioral therapy or other psychological interventions are more likely to alleviate back pain than the interventions that aim to treat the structure of the back like NSAIDs, exercise, and hot/cold compresses. These days, there are evidence-based practices. But in the early 2000s that wasn’t commonly understood. So this book was the introduction I needed.
A lot more research has been done and published in mainstream books for lay audiences that are much better than that one, especially recently. Here are some actual recommendations:
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation by Stephen W. Porges
Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers by Robert Sapulsky which, yes, was first published in 1994 but is now in its third edition, with updated science.
The Way Out: A Revolutionary, Scientifically Proven Approach to Healing Chronic Pain by Alan Gordon and Alon Ziv
I hope this post can open the door for you, and that these books can help you find the relief from pain that you deserve.
If you're a premium subscriber, Emily wrote a post on neuroplastic pain recently that may also be of interest! -Very Tiny Team
Do you like podcasts? Amelia recently spoke with Casey Davidson on The Hello Someday Podcast about burnout in women. They talked about stress response cycles, Human Giver Syndrome, emotional regulation and more! You can listen here.
Questions or comments? Please email my very tiny team at unrulywellness@gmail.com
Feel free to say hello on 📷 Instagram, 🦤 Twitter and 🤖 Facebook – I don't always reply but I read everything.
Signed copies of Come As You Are can be obtained from my amazing local bookseller, Book Moon Books.
Stay safe and see you next time.