I feel I wanna add some other reasons why we should start with nice things rather than problems and solutions? I am prone to the "serious" temperament so I've totally done the things you mention. But on the receiving end of that behaviour I've noticed a couple of things... sometimes other people's solutions are just plain wrong for us. And secondly I've heard this term and it resonated... "effortless solutions" .... so when I'm facing a problem most people's solutions and advice require work. And then if there's work and effort involved, well there's probably 3-4 solutions and then I gotta debate which is worth my effort. But if you give me an effortless solution.... bang! Easy to execute! But there aren't many of those sadly.
But I think my main point is just that we're not always right. And usually we don't know what's best for others, they're the only ones that do. (or if they don't they can only find it with some guidance and safety and support from a therapist/coach/etc) And that point has helped me stop giving people advice and instead I try and focus on just supporting and engaging. :) Sometimes I manage. ;)
ps. I have "small T" trauma patterns that are right now yelling at me and telling me.... "don't post this, you're gonna piss someone off and start an argument coz you're not agreeing 100%." :( I hope I wrote this in a way you can understand my point and I hope I didn't offend anyone. ❤️
This hit so hard and so well. I was trying to articulate to my hubby what I felt was missing..,and it really boiled down to this emotional trust and reading this helped me articulate it so well…
I feel I wanna add some other reasons why we should start with nice things rather than problems and solutions? I am prone to the "serious" temperament so I've totally done the things you mention. But on the receiving end of that behaviour I've noticed a couple of things... sometimes other people's solutions are just plain wrong for us. And secondly I've heard this term and it resonated... "effortless solutions" .... so when I'm facing a problem most people's solutions and advice require work. And then if there's work and effort involved, well there's probably 3-4 solutions and then I gotta debate which is worth my effort. But if you give me an effortless solution.... bang! Easy to execute! But there aren't many of those sadly.
But I think my main point is just that we're not always right. And usually we don't know what's best for others, they're the only ones that do. (or if they don't they can only find it with some guidance and safety and support from a therapist/coach/etc) And that point has helped me stop giving people advice and instead I try and focus on just supporting and engaging. :) Sometimes I manage. ;)
ps. I have "small T" trauma patterns that are right now yelling at me and telling me.... "don't post this, you're gonna piss someone off and start an argument coz you're not agreeing 100%." :( I hope I wrote this in a way you can understand my point and I hope I didn't offend anyone. ❤️
Thank you! I felt like this was about me. I needed to hear this. I'm serious, not a pessimist! That's a keeper
This hit so hard and so well. I was trying to articulate to my hubby what I felt was missing..,and it really boiled down to this emotional trust and reading this helped me articulate it so well…
Thank you! The plate storage anecdote resonated. Ouch.